I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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