Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
