I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
