i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
