Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
