My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
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YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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