I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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