I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
