She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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