And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
