Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
