Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
