hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
