taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
