I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
