running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
