does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
