He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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