the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
