Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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