I think i peed on brittanys purse
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
