Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
