My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
