I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
