duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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