It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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