I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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