Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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