What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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