The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
