Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
