Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
