Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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