I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
