i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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