I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
