it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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