You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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