Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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