Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize