Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
