I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
