I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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