I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
