No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
