i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
