Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
