I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
