i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
