my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Less talking, more tequila
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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