google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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