dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
