awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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