What did we do last night that was yellow?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
