i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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