You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
