Three words: puerto rican gang bang
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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