Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
