How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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