I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
