please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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