I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
