K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
